October 12, 2010

Letting go

Things to be thankful for while on bed rest:

1. I do not wear a bra. (But I do wear cute pajamas sometimes).
2. I do not carry groceries.
3. I do not do make my bed.
4. People feed me.
5. I write.
6. I discovered free Amazon Prime 2-day shipping for students.
7. I am learning about the complexities of giving and receiving help.

It is very complicated. I've never had a problem with asking for help when I needed it. I used to be very shy—painfully shy—so I always take a moment to consider the best person to ask, the right number to call, and then force my little turtle head out of its shell.

But when you need a lot of help for an extended period of time—even for a few weeks or a couple of months—there are a lot of things to consider. Schedules, feelings, relationships, costs, talents.

And I'm learning that with illness, it's a little hard to plan ahead. That's frustrating for me. I'm kind of a planner. Not a five-year-plan kind of planner, but I at least like to put things on the calendar to have something to look forward to.

My calendar has been wiped clean from here to January. I still haven't learned to stop checking my calendar every day. There's nothing on it but this: Get Better.

Maybe it's time to let go. To ask for help and then take a deep breath, close my eyes, and not worry about it anymore. Just get better.

Here's a photo of my writing table. I decided to put down my pen and light a candle. How's that for letting go?


  1. I hope that little turtle head is sleeping right now. And yes, you've got it exactly right: the only thing you need to worry about is resting up and getting better. See you tomorrow, with soup.

  2. feel better LIsa!
    BTW I love Sara Bareilles too. Have u seen her live?

  3. Thanks Rachel. I have seen her live. She played right in Harvard Yard in the spring of my senior year, and she was spectacular. What a voice. Hope you're doing well.